I didn't want him to thank me, but why does he always hate me! No matter what I do, its never good enough!
[ Komeada's words rile her, her tone as sharp as a hiss. Does he think she's dumb? Of course she couldn't possibly expect a thank you...but didn't she deserve a little more? Begging for scraps of forgiveness, The tiredness fades, the comforting numbness drops away. She's tearful, angry, alive. She can't help but rant in Komeada's face, even knowing he probably won't care. ]
He always thought the worse of me from the moment he saw me. It's like everything I do doesn't even matter. I can try as hard as I want...you know back then it was all on me!? I know it was the wrong choice now, but nobody else was willing to make it!! It wasn't like I wanted her to die either! But if I didn't choose right, everyone could die! How could you expect me to...how am I suppose to know what to do! I'm just an average person!?
[ She regrets it every moment of every day, but how much can she take? It's all on her, and she's awful for it. There's only so much sadness and guilt her heart can take before it blooms out into resentment. She thought she could try to be better then that, to quash those feelings, but its hard. She doesn't want other people to be right about her. She wants to be told she's a good person for once.
But when it came time to put it to the test, why did she turn to violence rather then admit to herself Sou might be right? ...It's an admission of itself...hah. ]
I was taking it okay...I know he'd be angry and yell at me. But he...I don't know how to explain... [ She'd have to explain Keiji, and Gin, and why acusing Sara of killing them had felt like such an utter betrayal. She told him what Midori had said about her, he'd said it was wrong, and then he walked back on it. Said she was probably dead because she betrayed everyone, and the poor victim Shin Tsukimi had taken her down with him. Something like that...when she'd tried so hard...mustered up her courage. The idea that she would kill Keiji of all people, the one person she couldn't loose. How to explain? Really, she didn't want to tell him at all, lest she find Komeada making the same conclusions. That's not the kind of person she is... ] It hurt me, okay? It was personal. If its fine that he reacted negatively to hearing about Kanna, then he betrayed my trust right back! I...I know it wasn't right what I did...but he wanted to hurt me.
[ If Shin gets to be in hysterics, well she was too. But the accusation of being cruel saps the vigor from her words. Sara quails, slouches down on the desk like a scolded child. She didn't mean to be cruel...she just...
He called her Hiyori when she was trying to kill him, and that was enough to take the fight of anybody. She didn't want to inherit that name. Didn't Shin want it? Why had he liked her so much? Why had he shown her how to strangle a person like that? ]
Whatever...we aren't friends anymore so it doesn't matter. I don't think we were ever friends. He's right, and you're right, and Midori was right, and I'm terrible. The end.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-12-30 10:03 am (UTC)[ Komeada's words rile her, her tone as sharp as a hiss. Does he think she's dumb? Of course she couldn't possibly expect a thank you...but didn't she deserve a little more? Begging for scraps of forgiveness, The tiredness fades, the comforting numbness drops away. She's tearful, angry, alive. She can't help but rant in Komeada's face, even knowing he probably won't care. ]
He always thought the worse of me from the moment he saw me. It's like everything I do doesn't even matter. I can try as hard as I want...you know back then it was all on me!? I know it was the wrong choice now, but nobody else was willing to make it!! It wasn't like I wanted her to die either! But if I didn't choose right, everyone could die! How could you expect me to...how am I suppose to know what to do! I'm just an average person!?
[ She regrets it every moment of every day, but how much can she take? It's all on her, and she's awful for it. There's only so much sadness and guilt her heart can take before it blooms out into resentment. She thought she could try to be better then that, to quash those feelings, but its hard. She doesn't want other people to be right about her. She wants to be told she's a good person for once.
But when it came time to put it to the test, why did she turn to violence rather then admit to herself Sou might be right? ...It's an admission of itself...hah. ]
I was taking it okay...I know he'd be angry and yell at me. But he...I don't know how to explain... [ She'd have to explain Keiji, and Gin, and why acusing Sara of killing them had felt like such an utter betrayal. She told him what Midori had said about her, he'd said it was wrong, and then he walked back on it. Said she was probably dead because she betrayed everyone, and the poor victim Shin Tsukimi had taken her down with him. Something like that...when she'd tried so hard...mustered up her courage. The idea that she would kill Keiji of all people, the one person she couldn't loose. How to explain? Really, she didn't want to tell him at all, lest she find Komeada making the same conclusions. That's not the kind of person she is... ] It hurt me, okay? It was personal. If its fine that he reacted negatively to hearing about Kanna, then he betrayed my trust right back! I...I know it wasn't right what I did...but he wanted to hurt me.
[ If Shin gets to be in hysterics, well she was too. But the accusation of being cruel saps the vigor from her words. Sara quails, slouches down on the desk like a scolded child. She didn't mean to be cruel...she just...
He called her Hiyori when she was trying to kill him, and that was enough to take the fight of anybody. She didn't want to inherit that name. Didn't Shin want it? Why had he liked her so much? Why had he shown her how to strangle a person like that? ]
Whatever...we aren't friends anymore so it doesn't matter. I don't think we were ever friends. He's right, and you're right, and Midori was right, and I'm terrible. The end.