A shame that I wasn't, so I'll give my thoughts anyway on the matter.
( that's a good thing in komaeda's eyes, that shin is different from what he was before — he doesn't feel like he's dropping into the pit of despair. that's why things everything feels different from what sara says, and what he's been exposed to so far. like there's still a fighting chance within him, and that's enough to make komaeda grin — even though he could be smiling about anything. it's about hope, and what a person does to strengthen it, and that sounds like sin worked hard in doing so. )
...The group I love. They... ( everyone made it except one, that person who was classified as the traitor, the female that died a long time ago that sent them into despair. she didn't escape the game, she never will, she's meant to be a memory who wanted to watch their hopes grow, and for each and every one of them to get better from their despair. he clears his throat, sighing softly as he looks towards sara, and wonders if she'll hate him. that someone like him was given the opportunity that so many killing games would die to have. )
...Is this conversation kept between us, Chidouin-san?
( it's... sensitive, such an answer could change the world of so many students that komaeda knows, and he doesn't know if that's right of him... to change how they live. to hold a conversation with sara when knowing she could turn around and tell what he knows without a care — in a way, he's still protecting his ultimates, but it's not like they can't protect themselves. )
Because I love hope, I want to understand how the ordinary goes about obtaining it. You all lack talent, yet your hardships manage to motivate those who believe they're unable to do anything. ( he watches her look at her wrist, and then he glances at his own. his latest one is a murder that he did here, he spilled the blood of aiko for their hope, and he was rewarded. ) That's how hope works, if you give up... you'll remain walled, and stuck where you are... but you did what you had to, for your own hope, and others. Sometimes killing is the only way, aha.
[ She scowls at him as he starts smiling. If he was going to start getting up into her space, to start rambling at her or calling her something uncomfortable, she really was going to hit him with her gun. Komeada is unpredictable, and they've been talking civilly enough so far, which Sara far prefers to fighting...but the idea of underestimating him again is a constant source of paranoia. ]
If you keep my secrets Komeada-san, I shouldn't have a reason to go spill yours. [ She narrows her eyes. ] Unless you're about to confess something awful, in which case I don't make any promises.
[ But in his favor, Sara has barely spoken to a single ultimate. She was friends with Nanami, who also vanished, and briefly spoke to Saihara, but that was it. It's enough to know the vague implications of that weird talent system, but not enough to really know what Komeada might share would be relevant enough to use. ]
...I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing hopeful about being forced into a corner by some sick organization. [His speech might have almost been motivating, if it wasn't for who was saying it. Was he trying to make her feel better? She'd been pretty clear she didn't like him, right? ] They were just logical choices, based on the circumstances. The worst choices of all.
( living, all of them managed to live from their killing game, and should they all have died? being part of despair would be the awful part of them, but to admit that to someone who doesn't understand... it'd do nothing but cause problems. if anything, admitting that everyone in his group lived would be fine, there's only so many of them left here anyway. the other ultimates he knows nothing about when it comes to their own games, but he remembers how familiar saihara was with monokuma, even going as far to lie. )
No, you'll understand as this conversation goes on, I trust that you're smart enough. ( he'll leave little crumbs for her to feed into, because it's be no good giving it all away, but he can match conversation. ) What secrets do you have, Chidouin-san, do they all revolve around Tsukimi-kun... or everyone else in your group?
( komaeda doesn't have many secrets, but he'll continue: )
Because they were logical doesn't mean they were wrong, it benefited towards the group's hope, and that is a good thing. You all could have given up, killed one another... and then I wonder where you'd all be.
( probably still here, the fact that gundham is here albeit younger... says a lot. )
I even tried to die to help the hope of my teammates, but... they saw through me later on in our trial. Sometimes, dying is the only way...
With you involved, I'd be surprised if I didn't hate hearing about it.
[ But he pulls back, leaving her with cryptic words that can't help but catch her interest. She might not like Komeada as a person, but as a puzzle, one with information that could be potentially help her has Sara sitting up with interest despite her cold demeanor. ] Does it matter what they are? They're secret. So who cares what it actually is.
... [ Fine, she'll bite. ] If you think that then...between a useful bad person and a weak kind one, who should live? Please don't give a tricky answer, lets hypothetically assume they have the same amount of "hope".
Well. [ She pauses, thinking of what she could say boldly or fiercely, and then shakes her head. ] I'm not like that. If you think thats the only way, you can go do what you want. I won't die in some awful game...
I'm a very open and honest person, so there's nothing secretive about me.
( instead, he's cryptic, making it hard to understand him, leaving information about himself that matters and doesn't matter — he's calculative at times, even now. there's a reason for what he says, and how he says it, but everyone here has their secrets, so he doesn't fault sara at all for being normal. )
If you're interested, I can have this conversation with you. Between a useful bad and a weak kind one... we'll focus on the latter, for they're weak... and capable of feeling fear, afraid that they might die. They know they have nothing going for the group, and are aware that because they can't do anything... kindness won't help in a game that's dwindling one by one.
( he looks to sara as if she might have something she might want to add to the creation of this concept of who should live and who should die, but there's so many things to comment on in regards of this set-up. it's something they can focus on together considering she isn't keen with his methods of dying, but sometimes it's the only way — his own death probably wasn't, but he had no choice but to eradicate what he despised. who knew that upon waking up, he was everything he still loathed and hated, and having to live so disgustingly chained by both despair and hope? )
No, you aren't getting it. [ She grimaces in irritation, tapping a single finger on the desk as she stares at Komeada with flat purple eyes. ] They have the same amount of "hope", okay?
[ Like a physics problem where you can't account for air resistance, she wants to know what Komeada thinks without hope as a factor. ]
Say...lets call one Miss Blue, and one Mr. Red [ This is Shin's metaphor, but she's stealing it. ] They both look at you and they say, pick me! Miss Blue says "I'm a terrible person, and I hurt you, don't let Red die." and Mr. Red says "I'm a weak person, and I can't help you, please save Miss Blue."
[ Maybe she's tipping her hand to much here, but what would another killer think? She's curious, its a puzzle, and she wants the answer. Is this a question with some easy cryptic answer he can spit out? ]
No, you aren't the one understanding. While both of them can ask, neither of them are showing me their hope just by asking. Which one of them will take action? Hope belongs to the person who will make hope reality.
( a riddle like this is too simple, miss blue, and mr. red, both of them asking komaeda how to spend their lives. he's supposed to choose based of what... a request? anyone can ask, anyone can speak, but who will use their hope to their advantage? in the end, it's just a disposable cop out, and even komaeda has his resignations from that sort of pathetic acceptance. )
That's giving up hope, and they've lost what was cherished, it's like they never had it at all. If they both believe death is the only way, and that they're helpless, they aren't worth my time.
( even a statement like that is meant to make them think about their decisions, but sara's the one in control of their actions — what a visual to explain her inner conflict. )
...They do nothing. It was a situation where all they could do was ask.
[ Sara stares at Komeada for a second, trying to hard a stricken look. That's it, that's his reactions... to spit on the helpless and pathetic, even though he said he'd tried to die himself. Maybe it was too simplistic, boiling a question like that down to a metaphor, but hearing Komeada dismissing on to pleading that to Sara still feels all to real...she can't stand it suddenly.
But what had she expected, him to understand? Their ways of thinking were totally different. All he wanted was bloodshed and death and some twisted love that didn't help anyone. Why was Sara even bothering to entertain this...had she hoped he'd absolve her of some guilt? How pathetic. ]
Its true then, you and I are never ever going to get along, Komeada-san. [ She stands, brushing her skirt off briskly. ] I think in the end, I already know the right answer anyway. You're supposed to protect someone weaker then you, right? That's the sort of thinking that lets everyone get along.
They're both weak, but they have the same sort of hope, Chidouin-san.
( he understands where she's coming from, and how normal people usually handle those situations. they want to help the weak, especially the one they don't know all out of pity, but komaeda isn't like that. in a way, he also helped the weak, put them on a path towards a great hope. )
If they're both in that position, have the same hope, not one is stronger than the other. That's how I view this, they're both at their lowest, and it's why they ask that question.
( he doesn't stand, but he looks towards her to see if that answer is fine, his reason for letting them figure out themselves. she calls one weak and the other strong, but their weakness merges together into something unhealthy, and to inflict that on others to choose than to do it themselves...
is it really worth it? )
It was a flawed question from the beginning, have any others?
So your answer is that you don't care, right? Because the hope is the same...
[ He's still talking about the question? Didn't he already say it wasn't worth his time?]
Questions? I don't have any more. That's basically the only thing I've been wondering. Or well, maybe I have more questions, but you probably couldn't answer them. [ She turns back to give Komeada a tight smile. ] I'm not smart enough for any more philosophy. My questions would be something like: Are you going to kill me?
[ Maybe its paranoid, or maybe its just a question of when he's going to try. She just has this conviction, in her heart, that she can't be safe around someone who talks about stepping stones. That type of thinking might be more dangerous then someone who murders for sport.]
Well...just kidding. Making accusations like that isn't very nice of me.
My answer is because I care... Because I love hope, but if they're both showing weakness with the same amount of hope... they remain at an impasse.
( it's as simple as that, because he loves it, he shows his love by helping hope, but if their hope is so inconsequential that they don't see the third path they can take — komaeda can't hold them by the hand. they have to figure this out, and he hates having to give all the answers. )
Despite simple, they're straight to the point.
( he tilts his head, looking up at sara as he mulls over her question. ah, this is a pretty good set up, and he claps his hands together to praise it right after. )
I'm Sara Chidouin... Just a normal high school girl you could find anywhere.
[She leans back a little, clearly uncomfortable with his grinning praise. Who is she, huh? Why does everyone keep asking that. Her own answer can't change. No matter how everyone acts, she remains herself. Just someone attending school who had something bad happen. That's not even special.
...Despite the mounting evidence otherwise. Her own father, her name scattered everywhere... Maybe she doesn't really know who Sara Chidouin is supposed to be. Having a killing game built around her doesn't change who she is, right? She lived a normal life, so she can still lay claim to that. She doesn't feel very interesting...Komeada could probably go find a second year girl just like her only a floor above. ]
I meant between Mr. Red and Miss Blue, but... that's a good choice, that means you have faith in your hope!
( asking her a question like that would bring sara to voice her own name, but he did it on purpose, forcing her into a position that isn't of those who characters that were made up. there's no need to pick either of them for himself either, because at the end of the day, he's the same as he's always been. the trash that nobody wants, the person that he's sure everyone would be happier if he died, and he smiles with that thought in mind. )
I'm someone who wants to help hope, no matter what, even scum like me knows my place.
( that place being a stepping stone, even though she's not an ultimate, he's still willing to pursue whatever that shining beacon that she calls a goal for herself is. it's here that he lifts a hand, waving his prosthetic like he wants to draw in her attention. she doesn't have to acknowledge him, but he does want her to know what's on his mind. )
Being able to decide for what we want in life is nice, isn't it?
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( that's a good thing in komaeda's eyes, that shin is different from what he was before — he doesn't feel like he's dropping into the pit of despair. that's why things everything feels different from what sara says, and what he's been exposed to so far. like there's still a fighting chance within him, and that's enough to make komaeda grin — even though he could be smiling about anything. it's about hope, and what a person does to strengthen it, and that sounds like sin worked hard in doing so. )
...The group I love. They... ( everyone made it except one, that person who was classified as the traitor, the female that died a long time ago that sent them into despair. she didn't escape the game, she never will, she's meant to be a memory who wanted to watch their hopes grow, and for each and every one of them to get better from their despair. he clears his throat, sighing softly as he looks towards sara, and wonders if she'll hate him. that someone like him was given the opportunity that so many killing games would die to have. )
...Is this conversation kept between us, Chidouin-san?
( it's... sensitive, such an answer could change the world of so many students that komaeda knows, and he doesn't know if that's right of him... to change how they live. to hold a conversation with sara when knowing she could turn around and tell what he knows without a care — in a way, he's still protecting his ultimates, but it's not like they can't protect themselves. )
Because I love hope, I want to understand how the ordinary goes about obtaining it. You all lack talent, yet your hardships manage to motivate those who believe they're unable to do anything. ( he watches her look at her wrist, and then he glances at his own. his latest one is a murder that he did here, he spilled the blood of aiko for their hope, and he was rewarded. ) That's how hope works, if you give up... you'll remain walled, and stuck where you are... but you did what you had to, for your own hope, and others. Sometimes killing is the only way, aha.
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[ She scowls at him as he starts smiling. If he was going to start getting up into her space, to start rambling at her or calling her something uncomfortable, she really was going to hit him with her gun. Komeada is unpredictable, and they've been talking civilly enough so far, which Sara far prefers to fighting...but the idea of underestimating him again is a constant source of paranoia. ]
If you keep my secrets Komeada-san, I shouldn't have a reason to go spill yours. [ She narrows her eyes. ] Unless you're about to confess something awful, in which case I don't make any promises.
[ But in his favor, Sara has barely spoken to a single ultimate. She was friends with Nanami, who also vanished, and briefly spoke to Saihara, but that was it. It's enough to know the vague implications of that weird talent system, but not enough to really know what Komeada might share would be relevant enough to use. ]
...I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing hopeful about being forced into a corner by some sick organization. [His speech might have almost been motivating, if it wasn't for who was saying it. Was he trying to make her feel better? She'd been pretty clear she didn't like him, right? ] They were just logical choices, based on the circumstances. The worst choices of all.
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( living, all of them managed to live from their killing game, and should they all have died? being part of despair would be the awful part of them, but to admit that to someone who doesn't understand... it'd do nothing but cause problems. if anything, admitting that everyone in his group lived would be fine, there's only so many of them left here anyway. the other ultimates he knows nothing about when it comes to their own games, but he remembers how familiar saihara was with monokuma, even going as far to lie. )
No, you'll understand as this conversation goes on, I trust that you're smart enough. ( he'll leave little crumbs for her to feed into, because it's be no good giving it all away, but he can match conversation. ) What secrets do you have, Chidouin-san, do they all revolve around Tsukimi-kun... or everyone else in your group?
( komaeda doesn't have many secrets, but he'll continue: )
Because they were logical doesn't mean they were wrong, it benefited towards the group's hope, and that is a good thing. You all could have given up, killed one another... and then I wonder where you'd all be.
( probably still here, the fact that gundham is here albeit younger... says a lot. )
I even tried to die to help the hope of my teammates, but... they saw through me later on in our trial. Sometimes, dying is the only way...
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[ But he pulls back, leaving her with cryptic words that can't help but catch her interest. She might not like Komeada as a person, but as a puzzle, one with information that could be potentially help her has Sara sitting up with interest despite her cold demeanor. ] Does it matter what they are? They're secret. So who cares what it actually is.
... [ Fine, she'll bite. ] If you think that then...between a useful bad person and a weak kind one, who should live? Please don't give a tricky answer, lets hypothetically assume they have the same amount of "hope".
Well. [ She pauses, thinking of what she could say boldly or fiercely, and then shakes her head. ] I'm not like that. If you think thats the only way, you can go do what you want. I won't die in some awful game...
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( instead, he's cryptic, making it hard to understand him, leaving information about himself that matters and doesn't matter — he's calculative at times, even now. there's a reason for what he says, and how he says it, but everyone here has their secrets, so he doesn't fault sara at all for being normal. )
If you're interested, I can have this conversation with you. Between a useful bad and a weak kind one... we'll focus on the latter, for they're weak... and capable of feeling fear, afraid that they might die. They know they have nothing going for the group, and are aware that because they can't do anything... kindness won't help in a game that's dwindling one by one.
( he looks to sara as if she might have something she might want to add to the creation of this concept of who should live and who should die, but there's so many things to comment on in regards of this set-up. it's something they can focus on together considering she isn't keen with his methods of dying, but sometimes it's the only way — his own death probably wasn't, but he had no choice but to eradicate what he despised. who knew that upon waking up, he was everything he still loathed and hated, and having to live so disgustingly chained by both despair and hope? )
Their hope is how the outcome will be decided.
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[ Like a physics problem where you can't account for air resistance, she wants to know what Komeada thinks without hope as a factor. ]
Say...lets call one Miss Blue, and one Mr. Red [ This is Shin's metaphor, but she's stealing it. ] They both look at you and they say, pick me! Miss Blue says "I'm a terrible person, and I hurt you, don't let Red die." and Mr. Red says "I'm a weak person, and I can't help you, please save Miss Blue."
[ Maybe she's tipping her hand to much here, but what would another killer think? She's curious, its a puzzle, and she wants the answer. Is this a question with some easy cryptic answer he can spit out? ]
Who deserves to live?
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( a riddle like this is too simple, miss blue, and mr. red, both of them asking komaeda how to spend their lives. he's supposed to choose based of what... a request? anyone can ask, anyone can speak, but who will use their hope to their advantage? in the end, it's just a disposable cop out, and even komaeda has his resignations from that sort of pathetic acceptance. )
That's giving up hope, and they've lost what was cherished, it's like they never had it at all. If they both believe death is the only way, and that they're helpless, they aren't worth my time.
( even a statement like that is meant to make them think about their decisions, but sara's the one in control of their actions — what a visual to explain her inner conflict. )
What will they do then?
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[ Sara stares at Komeada for a second, trying to hard a stricken look. That's it, that's his reactions... to spit on the helpless and pathetic, even though he said he'd tried to die himself. Maybe it was too simplistic, boiling a question like that down to a metaphor, but hearing Komeada dismissing on to pleading that to Sara still feels all to real...she can't stand it suddenly.
But what had she expected, him to understand? Their ways of thinking were totally different. All he wanted was bloodshed and death and some twisted love that didn't help anyone. Why was Sara even bothering to entertain this...had she hoped he'd absolve her of some guilt? How pathetic. ]
Its true then, you and I are never ever going to get along, Komeada-san. [ She stands, brushing her skirt off briskly. ] I think in the end, I already know the right answer anyway. You're supposed to protect someone weaker then you, right? That's the sort of thinking that lets everyone get along.
[ ... ]
It was nice speaking to you, Komeada-san.
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( he understands where she's coming from, and how normal people usually handle those situations. they want to help the weak, especially the one they don't know all out of pity, but komaeda isn't like that. in a way, he also helped the weak, put them on a path towards a great hope. )
If they're both in that position, have the same hope, not one is stronger than the other. That's how I view this, they're both at their lowest, and it's why they ask that question.
( he doesn't stand, but he looks towards her to see if that answer is fine, his reason for letting them figure out themselves. she calls one weak and the other strong, but their weakness merges together into something unhealthy, and to inflict that on others to choose than to do it themselves...
is it really worth it? )
It was a flawed question from the beginning, have any others?
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[ He's still talking about the question? Didn't he already say it wasn't worth his time?]
Questions? I don't have any more. That's basically the only thing I've been wondering. Or well, maybe I have more questions, but you probably couldn't answer them. [ She turns back to give Komeada a tight smile. ] I'm not smart enough for any more philosophy. My questions would be something like: Are you going to kill me?
[ Maybe its paranoid, or maybe its just a question of when he's going to try. She just has this conviction, in her heart, that she can't be safe around someone who talks about stepping stones. That type of thinking might be more dangerous then someone who murders for sport.]
Well...just kidding. Making accusations like that isn't very nice of me.
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( it's as simple as that, because he loves it, he shows his love by helping hope, but if their hope is so inconsequential that they don't see the third path they can take — komaeda can't hold them by the hand. they have to figure this out, and he hates having to give all the answers. )
Despite simple, they're straight to the point.
( he tilts his head, looking up at sara as he mulls over her question. ah, this is a pretty good set up, and he claps his hands together to praise it right after. )
Who are you, Chidouin-san?
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[She leans back a little, clearly uncomfortable with his grinning praise. Who is she, huh? Why does everyone keep asking that. Her own answer can't change. No matter how everyone acts, she remains herself. Just someone attending school who had something bad happen. That's not even special.
...Despite the mounting evidence otherwise. Her own father, her name scattered everywhere... Maybe she doesn't really know who Sara Chidouin is supposed to be. Having a killing game built around her doesn't change who she is, right? She lived a normal life, so she can still lay claim to that. She doesn't feel very interesting...Komeada could probably go find a second year girl just like her only a floor above. ]
And who are you, Komeada-san?
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( asking her a question like that would bring sara to voice her own name, but he did it on purpose, forcing her into a position that isn't of those who characters that were made up. there's no need to pick either of them for himself either, because at the end of the day, he's the same as he's always been. the trash that nobody wants, the person that he's sure everyone would be happier if he died, and he smiles with that thought in mind. )
I'm someone who wants to help hope, no matter what, even scum like me knows my place.
( that place being a stepping stone, even though she's not an ultimate, he's still willing to pursue whatever that shining beacon that she calls a goal for herself is. it's here that he lifts a hand, waving his prosthetic like he wants to draw in her attention. she doesn't have to acknowledge him, but he does want her to know what's on his mind. )
Being able to decide for what we want in life is nice, isn't it?