Everyone's gone, well, the people that mean something to a few of you.
( he sighs, shaking his head as he glances towards the door of the room, and then he looks towards sara. he already knows that she doesn't want him here, and if only he could wipe away the drool shine... or something. anything to use his hands, but instead, he stays to himself as he leans into his chair. )
I don't really brag about my murders until they're found. ( at least now she'll know that hope comes once they've been stumbled upon, he plays by the same rules as at home. ) No, I was looking for Tsukimi-kun, he didn't come to ethics for a few days... and since you're so close... as you say, I thought you'd know.
( maybe they're not as close as he thought, but it does strike him as odd that so many would leave at one time. oh, now that he thinks about it. ) If I recall correctly, maybe they're probably hanging out with Amami-kun... everyone wants to be in an Ultimate's grace.
Someone who means someone to you is gone too, then. [ She drags a finger across the desk as she stares at him. ] So its not a few of us.
...I figured he was avoiding me at first.
[ She did try to kill Komeada right in front of him. Maybe she should have explained why, but she left the room in a hurry, and didn't run into him after that. Sou was good at avoiding her when he wanted to. ] I don't know anything, sorry. He's probably exploring, he likes to do that.
There you go again... [ She rolls her eyes at this weird ultimate thing again. She's not even trying to bait him its just...so dumb. Komeada could be a competent guy, he's not stupid anyone could see that, but he's so wrapped up in these weird ideas that don't make any sense. ]
Yep, but I trust anything Amami-kun does, so I'm sure things are fine... as to why they haven't came back.
( he pauses, thinking on his feeling when it comes to an ultimate; he loves them more than anything, more than himself. if they all went somewhere together, then they'll do fine, that's what it's like to be in the grace of one. things will be fine, and maybe they took a detour, wherever they went. )
...I doubt it, his avoiding skills are mediocre, and you could find him easily.
( so don't feel bad sara, komaeda is hyping up your game of hide and seek. he doubts that shin could avoid her really, and since they're such good friends as she says. maybe she has a crush or something, but woo boy, won't this nip him in the ass in a week or so. ) He'll appear before you know it, I want to see him, too.
( said with a smile, until her next comment causes him to cant his head to the side. ) ...What?
He doesn't avoid you well for a reason. [ Its not her fault you roleplay his dead best friend so well. ] Back in the game, he'd vanish for hours and we'd find him knocked out somewhere.
Tch. I don't need your encouragement. [ She's played a lot of hide and seek with this guy! Sometimes its just better to let him do his thing and he'll turn up. She does, in her own weird way, trust Shin to look out for himself. ]
Nothing. Even I can tell its not worth arguing with you about whatever Ultimates are. You can do what you want. [ This isn't an invitation to explain, and she glares at him harder to try an dissuade him. Still, she can't quite help commenting a little more... ]
Doesn't it get a little tiring always idolizing someone else?
( the psychopath? would komaeda be proud of that, well, listen... maybe, depends on midori's hope honestly. there's a lot he could comment on, how there's a "reason," but also her mentioning the game makes him curious too. learning about a person, or learning about something that made the person the way they are — two good choices, and yet he picks one that feels detached to the situation. )
A game? Was doing something like that dangerous, or was Tsuki— ah, Hiyori-kun and you... lucky?
( forgot that she doesn't get to call him that, well, she calls him "sou" so maybe she's more comfortable with that way of speech. )
...? Idolizing? ( is what he does idolizing? is he idolizing amami? or the ultimates? he doesn't think it's something so pathetic like looking up to them. ) No... I'm giving them my love, they deserve it for as much as they do. I'd do them no justice as some filthy passerby watching them from afar, wouldn't that be pretty pathetic of me...
( but that's not saying much, sara already thinks pretty low of him to begin with. ) Do you have someone that you love?
[ She shoots him a dirty look. Its annoying to think about explaining her life to Komeada, but at the same time, when he finds Sou he could probably just bully the answer out of him. Better to just cut her losses. It's not like shes worried about Komeada's judgment, he already thinks shes a killer and Sara can't imagine having a lower opinion then that. ]
We both thought it was dangerous at the time...but in the end we were just toys for someone else. We weren't going to die unless it was within the games rules...at least thats what I believe now. They let him plot an entire escape attempt without lifting a finger.
[ Sara likes to call people by their first names without honorifics. She knows Shin's real name, but he hasn't told her what he'd rather be called, so she'll stick with what he introduced himself as. In that game, Sou acted like he wanted his identity as Shin Tsukimi dead, and after all Sara did to him, acknowledging him by that name would have probably seemed like an insult.
Not that the Sou here remembers what Sara did to his sister, but no matter. ]
I like my parents. [ Ranmaru 'loved' her probably, but she couldn't do it back. Not to betray everyone who trusted her. Not in the way Komeada seems to think, a love so strong it blots anything else out. ] But I don't love anyone like that. I think its creepy.
So you were part of a killing game, too. My, my... what a surprise.
( someone who understands the rules just as well as komaeda understood his own, but what makes this strange is that, the killing game before him was ultimates, and the set before that which started it all. in those groups, he's never heard of sara chidouin, or sou hiyori alias shin tsukimi, they're practically nobodies. there's not one ounce of hope visible in their body that he can feel, which makes them as normal as they come, so how could they too take part in a killing game? it's an interesting concept, and he's willing to give his own background because of the conversation. )
Masterminds have a tendency to do that, because they love to see the despair that comes from failures. ( he's not too happy when he says it, and it's because he hates the way they tend to inflict despair into those who are already weak. with weak hope, comes a weak will, and they crumble without even lifting a finger, but if shin is here then... )
We share a few similarities, I'm actually impressed.
( at the comment of her parents, komaeda could say the same about his parents even though they did nothing good for him. the disdain they had for him, the way they only put up with his person to keep up appearances, and never said anything kind to him. how could he say he loved them, or even liked them. he doesn't understand the sentiment given the fact only his dog was worthy of his simple affection at a young age. he's older now, he's like a parent who wants to see the ultimates do their best, he's like a child who wants to look up to them... it fluctuates, and yet, he can't find proper placement. he has to love them, it's all he knows, they're all he has. )
Then you haven't experienced true love, Chidouin-san.
Ah. So you as well. And Akamatsu-san, wherever she went.
[ Hopefully far away from here, Akamatsu Kaede was a nice girl. Too nice for killing games, just like everyone else. So Komeada was in one too? Whatever, doesn't mean she'll like him more. It's probably just more confirmation that he'd be willing to kill her. She slumps in her chair, burying her chin in her arms ]
Oh we despaired. Escape was within our grasp, and it turned out our actions had been pointless from the beginning. Sou took it the worst, I think. He tried to kill me the instant his plan failed. [ She frowns. Would Sou be mad at her for mentioning that? ] Don't go weird at him for that. I don't care anymore. I'll shoot you again if you tell him I said any of this.
[ She'll ignore any implication of similarities. Sharing circumstances doesn't make them anything alike. After all, her hope is weak and his is strong...or whatever Komeada wants to believe. Her life doesn't matter in his eyes, so its not like she'd put any effort to connect. If Komeada isn't her ally, then she'd rather he forgot Sara existed.
Even there parents aren't the same. It didn't matter what the game masters had said about being raised for that game. Her parents loved her, and that wouldn't change. ]
I have more important things to do then focus on something like true love.
( he doesn't repeat her name, but komaeda remembers her... an ultimate that held a beautiful talent, and yet he never got to hear it. the way sara speaks earns some respect from komaeda, the fact that she doesn't state her as dead, but komaeda knows better for as long as it's been — she's nothing but a mere stepping stone enabling others in a way. even now, sara's hopes is what came from extra step offered to her.
if only she knew how komaeda's mind works, how he's able to throw away an ultimate if they don't survive. even though she's no longer here, it doesn't mean the female isn't in his thoughts either — sara brought her back, and he thinks about what little he learned of her. )
...Who knew that Tsukimi-kun could become so desperate, so riddled with despair that he would attempt to kill you... and you say you're both so close.
( it's not like komaeda didn't do the same thing, but he had forsaken them all, every ultimate except the traitor because they were all despair. if he was going to kill off what he hated, he might as well do it himself, hoping it could erase his own wrongdoings, alas, he's alive, and still forced to accept what he's done. some despairing acts are done for hope to overcome it, and that in itself was an act of it, and so... maybe sara overcame such an incident as well. ) Ahaha, fine, fine... he's not here, there's nothing I can tell him.
( wherever he is, will he come back to a chance to ever learn? it's quite the conundrum when komaeda's surrounded by those who lack talent, but he basically thrives in the same playing ground as them. that's why he asks about them, concern for their numbers dwindling like so. )
In our own killing game... a person who kills is the blackened, and the rules were pretty simple... if the blackened killed, and wasn't found out during a trial... everyone else would die, and the blackened would be set free. If the group unanimously votes for the blackened, they would die, and everyone kept moving forward. People despaired when they learned those rules, they were afraid... of killing and of dying.
( komaeda doesn't understand love properly, so there's not much he can say on it... in the end he does know that he loves his ultimates, because he loves their talents which creates their hopes. )
He had a lot of things going on. I don't blame him...I mean, he just wanted to live. That's a normal desire everyone has.
[ Pot calls kettle black, isn't that a saying? She can't blame him for what she would have done in his place. In Sou's version of events she killed him back fair and square. And with 0.0%...maybe in those simulations she was the sort of person who would have killed him lots of times.
She takes a very smug sort of satisfaction for a second, to consider for all the things Sou had ever done to her, she'd never once tried to kill him, with the life she'd led now. Never held it against him, when it came to the groups survival. No matter what he or anyone else thought...she hadn't hurt him when she could have. That had to count for something right, no matter who she'd chosen to kill in his stead? ]
A wonderful chance? You really are a disgusting weirdo. [She turns up her nose a little, tilting away from him, but not enough she can't keep an eye on him. ] Still. Those rules...seem pretty kind. Everyone's afraid to kill but...the killer gets punished. So you can forget about your friends who died, because they betrayed you. [ The button to kill Ranmaru had been easier to push then the rest. ]
In our game...the rules were pretty simple. There were twelve of us and every time the game started, we just needed to choose someone to die. There were roles, someone would always die no matter what unless we picked them...so we couldn't just draw straws and pick randomly but that was the gist. Just picking someone totally innocent that the group didn't need anymore.
I blame him, if it was through the means of despair, but when I look at him now... he seems to be thinking about his every move, recently. The less you say, the safer you are...
( when he speaks to him, he seems to hold back on some of the conversation, almost like he's biding his time to see what will happen. it's a smart move, letting someone go first, and then going after, that means every step ahead of them is safe until the person before him dies. then all he has to do is backtrack, or act like it never happened. to say shin does something like that around him, and with sara admitting that the other likes to be in control... it doesn't sound too off.
but he agrees, everyone has a desire to live, and others also have a desire to die. )
It was meant to be a despairing situation, but the hope of every Ultimate would succeed, that's why I enjoyed it... to show despair how meaningless it was.
( he crosses his arms on the table, chuckling softly to himself as she speaks. ) How cruel... it was all at random, but it must be disappointing... a person who probably did nothing, would be the one to die... just because they weren't useful. That seems kind, I believe... if they could choose, it'd probably help them more... but people betrayed one another, they learned secrets that they couldn't handle, but there was always a motive to the killing.
( just like his own motive when he killed aiko, he did it for hope, he did it for the group because he wanted to help them. now, they want nothing to do with him which is well-earned, but no matter how long they push him away, komaeda will find some way to assist them. if not the entirety of the group, then someone who needs him. )
Is that why it's so easy for you to pick people off, Chidouin-san... because of your previous game? How many people did you kill... just to survive?
( because there's some people here who should be dead, like ishimaru, and gundham, they're examples of who shouldn't be here. )
Well, you weren't there, so I don't really think it matters what you think, Komeada.
[ Sou's decisions are his own. If she thought about them all day, maybe she would get mad. But it doesn't matter. She'd totally judge Komeada for his murder attempts, but that doesn't me he gets to do the same to her friend/rival/enemy! ]
Well did they...? Those incredible Ultimate's you love, did they escape that game? [ It feels gross to look to...Komeada for hope, but she'd at least like the confirmation. Back in her world there was one round to go...but did she have to face the idea of winning alone just yet? She wanted to escape with everyone. That really had been her wish. ]
I don't pick people off. You're dangerous, you don't count. [ Just casually announcing her ongoing intention to kill him if she has to.
The people she killed. Four deaths from both games, Reko from the platform, Alice killed by Ranmaru due to her influence, every doll sacrificed in order to kill Midori. If she thinks about it thats about thirteen isn't it? Not that she'd ever raised a knife and stabbed them, but they were dead now. How many of those could she say weren't her fault, that she hadn't benefited from another day to live because of their sacrifice? Disgusting. ]
...Does it even matter? Why would you care? They were just ordinary people, leading ordinary lives. [She stares down at the tallies on her wrist with a frown. ] It wasn't fair...but we had to move forward. Someone had to live, and someone had to die. I won't apologize to you of all people for taking responsibility.
A shame that I wasn't, so I'll give my thoughts anyway on the matter.
( that's a good thing in komaeda's eyes, that shin is different from what he was before — he doesn't feel like he's dropping into the pit of despair. that's why things everything feels different from what sara says, and what he's been exposed to so far. like there's still a fighting chance within him, and that's enough to make komaeda grin — even though he could be smiling about anything. it's about hope, and what a person does to strengthen it, and that sounds like sin worked hard in doing so. )
...The group I love. They... ( everyone made it except one, that person who was classified as the traitor, the female that died a long time ago that sent them into despair. she didn't escape the game, she never will, she's meant to be a memory who wanted to watch their hopes grow, and for each and every one of them to get better from their despair. he clears his throat, sighing softly as he looks towards sara, and wonders if she'll hate him. that someone like him was given the opportunity that so many killing games would die to have. )
...Is this conversation kept between us, Chidouin-san?
( it's... sensitive, such an answer could change the world of so many students that komaeda knows, and he doesn't know if that's right of him... to change how they live. to hold a conversation with sara when knowing she could turn around and tell what he knows without a care — in a way, he's still protecting his ultimates, but it's not like they can't protect themselves. )
Because I love hope, I want to understand how the ordinary goes about obtaining it. You all lack talent, yet your hardships manage to motivate those who believe they're unable to do anything. ( he watches her look at her wrist, and then he glances at his own. his latest one is a murder that he did here, he spilled the blood of aiko for their hope, and he was rewarded. ) That's how hope works, if you give up... you'll remain walled, and stuck where you are... but you did what you had to, for your own hope, and others. Sometimes killing is the only way, aha.
[ She scowls at him as he starts smiling. If he was going to start getting up into her space, to start rambling at her or calling her something uncomfortable, she really was going to hit him with her gun. Komeada is unpredictable, and they've been talking civilly enough so far, which Sara far prefers to fighting...but the idea of underestimating him again is a constant source of paranoia. ]
If you keep my secrets Komeada-san, I shouldn't have a reason to go spill yours. [ She narrows her eyes. ] Unless you're about to confess something awful, in which case I don't make any promises.
[ But in his favor, Sara has barely spoken to a single ultimate. She was friends with Nanami, who also vanished, and briefly spoke to Saihara, but that was it. It's enough to know the vague implications of that weird talent system, but not enough to really know what Komeada might share would be relevant enough to use. ]
...I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing hopeful about being forced into a corner by some sick organization. [His speech might have almost been motivating, if it wasn't for who was saying it. Was he trying to make her feel better? She'd been pretty clear she didn't like him, right? ] They were just logical choices, based on the circumstances. The worst choices of all.
( living, all of them managed to live from their killing game, and should they all have died? being part of despair would be the awful part of them, but to admit that to someone who doesn't understand... it'd do nothing but cause problems. if anything, admitting that everyone in his group lived would be fine, there's only so many of them left here anyway. the other ultimates he knows nothing about when it comes to their own games, but he remembers how familiar saihara was with monokuma, even going as far to lie. )
No, you'll understand as this conversation goes on, I trust that you're smart enough. ( he'll leave little crumbs for her to feed into, because it's be no good giving it all away, but he can match conversation. ) What secrets do you have, Chidouin-san, do they all revolve around Tsukimi-kun... or everyone else in your group?
( komaeda doesn't have many secrets, but he'll continue: )
Because they were logical doesn't mean they were wrong, it benefited towards the group's hope, and that is a good thing. You all could have given up, killed one another... and then I wonder where you'd all be.
( probably still here, the fact that gundham is here albeit younger... says a lot. )
I even tried to die to help the hope of my teammates, but... they saw through me later on in our trial. Sometimes, dying is the only way...
With you involved, I'd be surprised if I didn't hate hearing about it.
[ But he pulls back, leaving her with cryptic words that can't help but catch her interest. She might not like Komeada as a person, but as a puzzle, one with information that could be potentially help her has Sara sitting up with interest despite her cold demeanor. ] Does it matter what they are? They're secret. So who cares what it actually is.
... [ Fine, she'll bite. ] If you think that then...between a useful bad person and a weak kind one, who should live? Please don't give a tricky answer, lets hypothetically assume they have the same amount of "hope".
Well. [ She pauses, thinking of what she could say boldly or fiercely, and then shakes her head. ] I'm not like that. If you think thats the only way, you can go do what you want. I won't die in some awful game...
I'm a very open and honest person, so there's nothing secretive about me.
( instead, he's cryptic, making it hard to understand him, leaving information about himself that matters and doesn't matter — he's calculative at times, even now. there's a reason for what he says, and how he says it, but everyone here has their secrets, so he doesn't fault sara at all for being normal. )
If you're interested, I can have this conversation with you. Between a useful bad and a weak kind one... we'll focus on the latter, for they're weak... and capable of feeling fear, afraid that they might die. They know they have nothing going for the group, and are aware that because they can't do anything... kindness won't help in a game that's dwindling one by one.
( he looks to sara as if she might have something she might want to add to the creation of this concept of who should live and who should die, but there's so many things to comment on in regards of this set-up. it's something they can focus on together considering she isn't keen with his methods of dying, but sometimes it's the only way — his own death probably wasn't, but he had no choice but to eradicate what he despised. who knew that upon waking up, he was everything he still loathed and hated, and having to live so disgustingly chained by both despair and hope? )
No, you aren't getting it. [ She grimaces in irritation, tapping a single finger on the desk as she stares at Komeada with flat purple eyes. ] They have the same amount of "hope", okay?
[ Like a physics problem where you can't account for air resistance, she wants to know what Komeada thinks without hope as a factor. ]
Say...lets call one Miss Blue, and one Mr. Red [ This is Shin's metaphor, but she's stealing it. ] They both look at you and they say, pick me! Miss Blue says "I'm a terrible person, and I hurt you, don't let Red die." and Mr. Red says "I'm a weak person, and I can't help you, please save Miss Blue."
[ Maybe she's tipping her hand to much here, but what would another killer think? She's curious, its a puzzle, and she wants the answer. Is this a question with some easy cryptic answer he can spit out? ]
No, you aren't the one understanding. While both of them can ask, neither of them are showing me their hope just by asking. Which one of them will take action? Hope belongs to the person who will make hope reality.
( a riddle like this is too simple, miss blue, and mr. red, both of them asking komaeda how to spend their lives. he's supposed to choose based of what... a request? anyone can ask, anyone can speak, but who will use their hope to their advantage? in the end, it's just a disposable cop out, and even komaeda has his resignations from that sort of pathetic acceptance. )
That's giving up hope, and they've lost what was cherished, it's like they never had it at all. If they both believe death is the only way, and that they're helpless, they aren't worth my time.
( even a statement like that is meant to make them think about their decisions, but sara's the one in control of their actions — what a visual to explain her inner conflict. )
...They do nothing. It was a situation where all they could do was ask.
[ Sara stares at Komeada for a second, trying to hard a stricken look. That's it, that's his reactions... to spit on the helpless and pathetic, even though he said he'd tried to die himself. Maybe it was too simplistic, boiling a question like that down to a metaphor, but hearing Komeada dismissing on to pleading that to Sara still feels all to real...she can't stand it suddenly.
But what had she expected, him to understand? Their ways of thinking were totally different. All he wanted was bloodshed and death and some twisted love that didn't help anyone. Why was Sara even bothering to entertain this...had she hoped he'd absolve her of some guilt? How pathetic. ]
Its true then, you and I are never ever going to get along, Komeada-san. [ She stands, brushing her skirt off briskly. ] I think in the end, I already know the right answer anyway. You're supposed to protect someone weaker then you, right? That's the sort of thinking that lets everyone get along.
They're both weak, but they have the same sort of hope, Chidouin-san.
( he understands where she's coming from, and how normal people usually handle those situations. they want to help the weak, especially the one they don't know all out of pity, but komaeda isn't like that. in a way, he also helped the weak, put them on a path towards a great hope. )
If they're both in that position, have the same hope, not one is stronger than the other. That's how I view this, they're both at their lowest, and it's why they ask that question.
( he doesn't stand, but he looks towards her to see if that answer is fine, his reason for letting them figure out themselves. she calls one weak and the other strong, but their weakness merges together into something unhealthy, and to inflict that on others to choose than to do it themselves...
is it really worth it? )
It was a flawed question from the beginning, have any others?
So your answer is that you don't care, right? Because the hope is the same...
[ He's still talking about the question? Didn't he already say it wasn't worth his time?]
Questions? I don't have any more. That's basically the only thing I've been wondering. Or well, maybe I have more questions, but you probably couldn't answer them. [ She turns back to give Komeada a tight smile. ] I'm not smart enough for any more philosophy. My questions would be something like: Are you going to kill me?
[ Maybe its paranoid, or maybe its just a question of when he's going to try. She just has this conviction, in her heart, that she can't be safe around someone who talks about stepping stones. That type of thinking might be more dangerous then someone who murders for sport.]
Well...just kidding. Making accusations like that isn't very nice of me.
My answer is because I care... Because I love hope, but if they're both showing weakness with the same amount of hope... they remain at an impasse.
( it's as simple as that, because he loves it, he shows his love by helping hope, but if their hope is so inconsequential that they don't see the third path they can take — komaeda can't hold them by the hand. they have to figure this out, and he hates having to give all the answers. )
Despite simple, they're straight to the point.
( he tilts his head, looking up at sara as he mulls over her question. ah, this is a pretty good set up, and he claps his hands together to praise it right after. )
I'm Sara Chidouin... Just a normal high school girl you could find anywhere.
[She leans back a little, clearly uncomfortable with his grinning praise. Who is she, huh? Why does everyone keep asking that. Her own answer can't change. No matter how everyone acts, she remains herself. Just someone attending school who had something bad happen. That's not even special.
...Despite the mounting evidence otherwise. Her own father, her name scattered everywhere... Maybe she doesn't really know who Sara Chidouin is supposed to be. Having a killing game built around her doesn't change who she is, right? She lived a normal life, so she can still lay claim to that. She doesn't feel very interesting...Komeada could probably go find a second year girl just like her only a floor above. ]
I meant between Mr. Red and Miss Blue, but... that's a good choice, that means you have faith in your hope!
( asking her a question like that would bring sara to voice her own name, but he did it on purpose, forcing her into a position that isn't of those who characters that were made up. there's no need to pick either of them for himself either, because at the end of the day, he's the same as he's always been. the trash that nobody wants, the person that he's sure everyone would be happier if he died, and he smiles with that thought in mind. )
I'm someone who wants to help hope, no matter what, even scum like me knows my place.
( that place being a stepping stone, even though she's not an ultimate, he's still willing to pursue whatever that shining beacon that she calls a goal for herself is. it's here that he lifts a hand, waving his prosthetic like he wants to draw in her attention. she doesn't have to acknowledge him, but he does want her to know what's on his mind. )
Being able to decide for what we want in life is nice, isn't it?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-09-01 11:07 pm (UTC)( he sighs, shaking his head as he glances towards the door of the room, and then he looks towards sara. he already knows that she doesn't want him here, and if only he could wipe away the drool shine... or something. anything to use his hands, but instead, he stays to himself as he leans into his chair. )
I don't really brag about my murders until they're found. ( at least now she'll know that hope comes once they've been stumbled upon, he plays by the same rules as at home. ) No, I was looking for Tsukimi-kun, he didn't come to ethics for a few days... and since you're so close... as you say, I thought you'd know.
( maybe they're not as close as he thought, but it does strike him as odd that so many would leave at one time. oh, now that he thinks about it. ) If I recall correctly, maybe they're probably hanging out with Amami-kun... everyone wants to be in an Ultimate's grace.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-01 11:27 pm (UTC)...I figured he was avoiding me at first.
[ She did try to kill Komeada right in front of him. Maybe she should have explained why, but she left the room in a hurry, and didn't run into him after that. Sou was good at avoiding her when he wanted to. ] I don't know anything, sorry. He's probably exploring, he likes to do that.
There you go again... [ She rolls her eyes at this weird ultimate thing again. She's not even trying to bait him its just...so dumb. Komeada could be a competent guy, he's not stupid anyone could see that, but he's so wrapped up in these weird ideas that don't make any sense. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-09-01 11:46 pm (UTC)( he pauses, thinking on his feeling when it comes to an ultimate; he loves them more than anything, more than himself. if they all went somewhere together, then they'll do fine, that's what it's like to be in the grace of one. things will be fine, and maybe they took a detour, wherever they went. )
...I doubt it, his avoiding skills are mediocre, and you could find him easily.
( so don't feel bad sara, komaeda is hyping up your game of hide and seek. he doubts that shin could avoid her really, and since they're such good friends as she says. maybe she has a crush or something, but woo boy, won't this nip him in the ass in a week or so. ) He'll appear before you know it, I want to see him, too.
( said with a smile, until her next comment causes him to cant his head to the side. ) ...What?
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Date: 2021-09-02 01:33 am (UTC)Tch. I don't need your encouragement. [ She's played a lot of hide and seek with this guy! Sometimes its just better to let him do his thing and he'll turn up. She does, in her own weird way, trust Shin to look out for himself. ]
Nothing. Even I can tell its not worth arguing with you about whatever Ultimates are. You can do what you want. [ This isn't an invitation to explain, and she glares at him harder to try an dissuade him. Still, she can't quite help commenting a little more... ]
Doesn't it get a little tiring always idolizing someone else?
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Date: 2021-09-02 01:59 am (UTC)A game? Was doing something like that dangerous, or was Tsuki— ah, Hiyori-kun and you... lucky?
( forgot that she doesn't get to call him that, well, she calls him "sou" so maybe she's more comfortable with that way of speech. )
...? Idolizing? ( is what he does idolizing? is he idolizing amami? or the ultimates? he doesn't think it's something so pathetic like looking up to them. ) No... I'm giving them my love, they deserve it for as much as they do. I'd do them no justice as some filthy passerby watching them from afar, wouldn't that be pretty pathetic of me...
( but that's not saying much, sara already thinks pretty low of him to begin with. ) Do you have someone that you love?
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Date: 2021-09-02 02:38 am (UTC)We both thought it was dangerous at the time...but in the end we were just toys for someone else. We weren't going to die unless it was within the games rules...at least thats what I believe now. They let him plot an entire escape attempt without lifting a finger.
[ Sara likes to call people by their first names without honorifics. She knows Shin's real name, but he hasn't told her what he'd rather be called, so she'll stick with what he introduced himself as. In that game, Sou acted like he wanted his identity as Shin Tsukimi dead, and after all Sara did to him, acknowledging him by that name would have probably seemed like an insult.
Not that the Sou here remembers what Sara did to his sister, but no matter. ]
I like my parents. [ Ranmaru 'loved' her probably, but she couldn't do it back. Not to betray everyone who trusted her. Not in the way Komeada seems to think, a love so strong it blots anything else out. ] But I don't love anyone like that. I think its creepy.
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Date: 2021-09-02 03:01 am (UTC)( someone who understands the rules just as well as komaeda understood his own, but what makes this strange is that, the killing game before him was ultimates, and the set before that which started it all. in those groups, he's never heard of sara chidouin, or sou hiyori alias shin tsukimi, they're practically nobodies. there's not one ounce of hope visible in their body that he can feel, which makes them as normal as they come, so how could they too take part in a killing game? it's an interesting concept, and he's willing to give his own background because of the conversation. )
Masterminds have a tendency to do that, because they love to see the despair that comes from failures. ( he's not too happy when he says it, and it's because he hates the way they tend to inflict despair into those who are already weak. with weak hope, comes a weak will, and they crumble without even lifting a finger, but if shin is here then... )
We share a few similarities, I'm actually impressed.
( at the comment of her parents, komaeda could say the same about his parents even though they did nothing good for him. the disdain they had for him, the way they only put up with his person to keep up appearances, and never said anything kind to him. how could he say he loved them, or even liked them. he doesn't understand the sentiment given the fact only his dog was worthy of his simple affection at a young age. he's older now, he's like a parent who wants to see the ultimates do their best, he's like a child who wants to look up to them... it fluctuates, and yet, he can't find proper placement. he has to love them, it's all he knows, they're all he has. )
Then you haven't experienced true love, Chidouin-san.
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Date: 2021-09-02 03:29 am (UTC)[ Hopefully far away from here, Akamatsu Kaede was a nice girl. Too nice for killing games, just like everyone else. So Komeada was in one too? Whatever, doesn't mean she'll like him more. It's probably just more confirmation that he'd be willing to kill her. She slumps in her chair, burying her chin in her arms ]
Oh we despaired. Escape was within our grasp, and it turned out our actions had been pointless from the beginning. Sou took it the worst, I think. He tried to kill me the instant his plan failed. [ She frowns. Would Sou be mad at her for mentioning that? ] Don't go weird at him for that. I don't care anymore. I'll shoot you again if you tell him I said any of this.
[ She'll ignore any implication of similarities. Sharing circumstances doesn't make them anything alike. After all, her hope is weak and his is strong...or whatever Komeada wants to believe. Her life doesn't matter in his eyes, so its not like she'd put any effort to connect. If Komeada isn't her ally, then she'd rather he forgot Sara existed.
Even there parents aren't the same. It didn't matter what the game masters had said about being raised for that game. Her parents loved her, and that wouldn't change. ]
I have more important things to do then focus on something like true love.
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Date: 2021-09-02 03:51 am (UTC)if only she knew how komaeda's mind works, how he's able to throw away an ultimate if they don't survive. even though she's no longer here, it doesn't mean the female isn't in his thoughts either — sara brought her back, and he thinks about what little he learned of her. )
...Who knew that Tsukimi-kun could become so desperate, so riddled with despair that he would attempt to kill you... and you say you're both so close.
( it's not like komaeda didn't do the same thing, but he had forsaken them all, every ultimate except the traitor because they were all despair. if he was going to kill off what he hated, he might as well do it himself, hoping it could erase his own wrongdoings, alas, he's alive, and still forced to accept what he's done. some despairing acts are done for hope to overcome it, and that in itself was an act of it, and so... maybe sara overcame such an incident as well. ) Ahaha, fine, fine... he's not here, there's nothing I can tell him.
( wherever he is, will he come back to a chance to ever learn? it's quite the conundrum when komaeda's surrounded by those who lack talent, but he basically thrives in the same playing ground as them. that's why he asks about them, concern for their numbers dwindling like so. )
In our own killing game... a person who kills is the blackened, and the rules were pretty simple... if the blackened killed, and wasn't found out during a trial... everyone else would die, and the blackened would be set free. If the group unanimously votes for the blackened, they would die, and everyone kept moving forward. People despaired when they learned those rules, they were afraid... of killing and of dying.
( komaeda doesn't understand love properly, so there's not much he can say on it... in the end he does know that he loves his ultimates, because he loves their talents which creates their hopes. )
But I thought... that was a wonderful chance.
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Date: 2021-09-02 04:12 am (UTC)[ Pot calls kettle black, isn't that a saying? She can't blame him for what she would have done in his place. In Sou's version of events she killed him back fair and square. And with 0.0%...maybe in those simulations she was the sort of person who would have killed him lots of times.
She takes a very smug sort of satisfaction for a second, to consider for all the things Sou had ever done to her, she'd never once tried to kill him, with the life she'd led now. Never held it against him, when it came to the groups survival. No matter what he or anyone else thought...she hadn't hurt him when she could have. That had to count for something right, no matter who she'd chosen to kill in his stead? ]
A wonderful chance? You really are a disgusting weirdo. [She turns up her nose a little, tilting away from him, but not enough she can't keep an eye on him. ] Still. Those rules...seem pretty kind. Everyone's afraid to kill but...the killer gets punished. So you can forget about your friends who died, because they betrayed you. [ The button to kill Ranmaru had been easier to push then the rest. ]
In our game...the rules were pretty simple. There were twelve of us and every time the game started, we just needed to choose someone to die. There were roles, someone would always die no matter what unless we picked them...so we couldn't just draw straws and pick randomly but that was the gist. Just picking someone totally innocent that the group didn't need anymore.
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Date: 2021-09-02 04:31 am (UTC)( when he speaks to him, he seems to hold back on some of the conversation, almost like he's biding his time to see what will happen. it's a smart move, letting someone go first, and then going after, that means every step ahead of them is safe until the person before him dies. then all he has to do is backtrack, or act like it never happened. to say shin does something like that around him, and with sara admitting that the other likes to be in control... it doesn't sound too off.
but he agrees, everyone has a desire to live, and others also have a desire to die. )
It was meant to be a despairing situation, but the hope of every Ultimate would succeed, that's why I enjoyed it... to show despair how meaningless it was.
( he crosses his arms on the table, chuckling softly to himself as she speaks. ) How cruel... it was all at random, but it must be disappointing... a person who probably did nothing, would be the one to die... just because they weren't useful. That seems kind, I believe... if they could choose, it'd probably help them more... but people betrayed one another, they learned secrets that they couldn't handle, but there was always a motive to the killing.
( just like his own motive when he killed aiko, he did it for hope, he did it for the group because he wanted to help them. now, they want nothing to do with him which is well-earned, but no matter how long they push him away, komaeda will find some way to assist them. if not the entirety of the group, then someone who needs him. )
Is that why it's so easy for you to pick people off, Chidouin-san... because of your previous game? How many people did you kill... just to survive?
( because there's some people here who should be dead, like ishimaru, and gundham, they're examples of who shouldn't be here. )
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Date: 2021-09-02 07:14 am (UTC)[ Sou's decisions are his own. If she thought about them all day, maybe she would get mad. But it doesn't matter. She'd totally judge Komeada for his murder attempts, but that doesn't me he gets to do the same to her friend/rival/enemy! ]
Well did they...? Those incredible Ultimate's you love, did they escape that game? [ It feels gross to look to...Komeada for hope, but she'd at least like the confirmation. Back in her world there was one round to go...but did she have to face the idea of winning alone just yet? She wanted to escape with everyone. That really had been her wish. ]
I don't pick people off. You're dangerous, you don't count. [ Just casually announcing her ongoing intention to kill him if she has to.
The people she killed. Four deaths from both games, Reko from the platform, Alice killed by Ranmaru due to her influence, every doll sacrificed in order to kill Midori. If she thinks about it thats about thirteen isn't it? Not that she'd ever raised a knife and stabbed them, but they were dead now. How many of those could she say weren't her fault, that she hadn't benefited from another day to live because of their sacrifice? Disgusting. ]
...Does it even matter? Why would you care? They were just ordinary people, leading ordinary lives. [She stares down at the tallies on her wrist with a frown. ] It wasn't fair...but we had to move forward. Someone had to live, and someone had to die. I won't apologize to you of all people for taking responsibility.
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Date: 2021-09-02 07:28 am (UTC)( that's a good thing in komaeda's eyes, that shin is different from what he was before — he doesn't feel like he's dropping into the pit of despair. that's why things everything feels different from what sara says, and what he's been exposed to so far. like there's still a fighting chance within him, and that's enough to make komaeda grin — even though he could be smiling about anything. it's about hope, and what a person does to strengthen it, and that sounds like sin worked hard in doing so. )
...The group I love. They... ( everyone made it except one, that person who was classified as the traitor, the female that died a long time ago that sent them into despair. she didn't escape the game, she never will, she's meant to be a memory who wanted to watch their hopes grow, and for each and every one of them to get better from their despair. he clears his throat, sighing softly as he looks towards sara, and wonders if she'll hate him. that someone like him was given the opportunity that so many killing games would die to have. )
...Is this conversation kept between us, Chidouin-san?
( it's... sensitive, such an answer could change the world of so many students that komaeda knows, and he doesn't know if that's right of him... to change how they live. to hold a conversation with sara when knowing she could turn around and tell what he knows without a care — in a way, he's still protecting his ultimates, but it's not like they can't protect themselves. )
Because I love hope, I want to understand how the ordinary goes about obtaining it. You all lack talent, yet your hardships manage to motivate those who believe they're unable to do anything. ( he watches her look at her wrist, and then he glances at his own. his latest one is a murder that he did here, he spilled the blood of aiko for their hope, and he was rewarded. ) That's how hope works, if you give up... you'll remain walled, and stuck where you are... but you did what you had to, for your own hope, and others. Sometimes killing is the only way, aha.
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Date: 2021-09-02 08:03 am (UTC)[ She scowls at him as he starts smiling. If he was going to start getting up into her space, to start rambling at her or calling her something uncomfortable, she really was going to hit him with her gun. Komeada is unpredictable, and they've been talking civilly enough so far, which Sara far prefers to fighting...but the idea of underestimating him again is a constant source of paranoia. ]
If you keep my secrets Komeada-san, I shouldn't have a reason to go spill yours. [ She narrows her eyes. ] Unless you're about to confess something awful, in which case I don't make any promises.
[ But in his favor, Sara has barely spoken to a single ultimate. She was friends with Nanami, who also vanished, and briefly spoke to Saihara, but that was it. It's enough to know the vague implications of that weird talent system, but not enough to really know what Komeada might share would be relevant enough to use. ]
...I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing hopeful about being forced into a corner by some sick organization. [His speech might have almost been motivating, if it wasn't for who was saying it. Was he trying to make her feel better? She'd been pretty clear she didn't like him, right? ] They were just logical choices, based on the circumstances. The worst choices of all.
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Date: 2021-09-02 10:49 pm (UTC)( living, all of them managed to live from their killing game, and should they all have died? being part of despair would be the awful part of them, but to admit that to someone who doesn't understand... it'd do nothing but cause problems. if anything, admitting that everyone in his group lived would be fine, there's only so many of them left here anyway. the other ultimates he knows nothing about when it comes to their own games, but he remembers how familiar saihara was with monokuma, even going as far to lie. )
No, you'll understand as this conversation goes on, I trust that you're smart enough. ( he'll leave little crumbs for her to feed into, because it's be no good giving it all away, but he can match conversation. ) What secrets do you have, Chidouin-san, do they all revolve around Tsukimi-kun... or everyone else in your group?
( komaeda doesn't have many secrets, but he'll continue: )
Because they were logical doesn't mean they were wrong, it benefited towards the group's hope, and that is a good thing. You all could have given up, killed one another... and then I wonder where you'd all be.
( probably still here, the fact that gundham is here albeit younger... says a lot. )
I even tried to die to help the hope of my teammates, but... they saw through me later on in our trial. Sometimes, dying is the only way...
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Date: 2021-09-04 05:24 am (UTC)[ But he pulls back, leaving her with cryptic words that can't help but catch her interest. She might not like Komeada as a person, but as a puzzle, one with information that could be potentially help her has Sara sitting up with interest despite her cold demeanor. ] Does it matter what they are? They're secret. So who cares what it actually is.
... [ Fine, she'll bite. ] If you think that then...between a useful bad person and a weak kind one, who should live? Please don't give a tricky answer, lets hypothetically assume they have the same amount of "hope".
Well. [ She pauses, thinking of what she could say boldly or fiercely, and then shakes her head. ] I'm not like that. If you think thats the only way, you can go do what you want. I won't die in some awful game...
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Date: 2021-09-04 05:44 pm (UTC)( instead, he's cryptic, making it hard to understand him, leaving information about himself that matters and doesn't matter — he's calculative at times, even now. there's a reason for what he says, and how he says it, but everyone here has their secrets, so he doesn't fault sara at all for being normal. )
If you're interested, I can have this conversation with you. Between a useful bad and a weak kind one... we'll focus on the latter, for they're weak... and capable of feeling fear, afraid that they might die. They know they have nothing going for the group, and are aware that because they can't do anything... kindness won't help in a game that's dwindling one by one.
( he looks to sara as if she might have something she might want to add to the creation of this concept of who should live and who should die, but there's so many things to comment on in regards of this set-up. it's something they can focus on together considering she isn't keen with his methods of dying, but sometimes it's the only way — his own death probably wasn't, but he had no choice but to eradicate what he despised. who knew that upon waking up, he was everything he still loathed and hated, and having to live so disgustingly chained by both despair and hope? )
Their hope is how the outcome will be decided.
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Date: 2021-09-04 07:31 pm (UTC)[ Like a physics problem where you can't account for air resistance, she wants to know what Komeada thinks without hope as a factor. ]
Say...lets call one Miss Blue, and one Mr. Red [ This is Shin's metaphor, but she's stealing it. ] They both look at you and they say, pick me! Miss Blue says "I'm a terrible person, and I hurt you, don't let Red die." and Mr. Red says "I'm a weak person, and I can't help you, please save Miss Blue."
[ Maybe she's tipping her hand to much here, but what would another killer think? She's curious, its a puzzle, and she wants the answer. Is this a question with some easy cryptic answer he can spit out? ]
Who deserves to live?
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Date: 2021-09-05 06:28 pm (UTC)( a riddle like this is too simple, miss blue, and mr. red, both of them asking komaeda how to spend their lives. he's supposed to choose based of what... a request? anyone can ask, anyone can speak, but who will use their hope to their advantage? in the end, it's just a disposable cop out, and even komaeda has his resignations from that sort of pathetic acceptance. )
That's giving up hope, and they've lost what was cherished, it's like they never had it at all. If they both believe death is the only way, and that they're helpless, they aren't worth my time.
( even a statement like that is meant to make them think about their decisions, but sara's the one in control of their actions — what a visual to explain her inner conflict. )
What will they do then?
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Date: 2021-09-07 07:53 am (UTC)[ Sara stares at Komeada for a second, trying to hard a stricken look. That's it, that's his reactions... to spit on the helpless and pathetic, even though he said he'd tried to die himself. Maybe it was too simplistic, boiling a question like that down to a metaphor, but hearing Komeada dismissing on to pleading that to Sara still feels all to real...she can't stand it suddenly.
But what had she expected, him to understand? Their ways of thinking were totally different. All he wanted was bloodshed and death and some twisted love that didn't help anyone. Why was Sara even bothering to entertain this...had she hoped he'd absolve her of some guilt? How pathetic. ]
Its true then, you and I are never ever going to get along, Komeada-san. [ She stands, brushing her skirt off briskly. ] I think in the end, I already know the right answer anyway. You're supposed to protect someone weaker then you, right? That's the sort of thinking that lets everyone get along.
[ ... ]
It was nice speaking to you, Komeada-san.
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Date: 2021-09-07 02:17 pm (UTC)( he understands where she's coming from, and how normal people usually handle those situations. they want to help the weak, especially the one they don't know all out of pity, but komaeda isn't like that. in a way, he also helped the weak, put them on a path towards a great hope. )
If they're both in that position, have the same hope, not one is stronger than the other. That's how I view this, they're both at their lowest, and it's why they ask that question.
( he doesn't stand, but he looks towards her to see if that answer is fine, his reason for letting them figure out themselves. she calls one weak and the other strong, but their weakness merges together into something unhealthy, and to inflict that on others to choose than to do it themselves...
is it really worth it? )
It was a flawed question from the beginning, have any others?
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Date: 2021-09-07 11:10 pm (UTC)[ He's still talking about the question? Didn't he already say it wasn't worth his time?]
Questions? I don't have any more. That's basically the only thing I've been wondering. Or well, maybe I have more questions, but you probably couldn't answer them. [ She turns back to give Komeada a tight smile. ] I'm not smart enough for any more philosophy. My questions would be something like: Are you going to kill me?
[ Maybe its paranoid, or maybe its just a question of when he's going to try. She just has this conviction, in her heart, that she can't be safe around someone who talks about stepping stones. That type of thinking might be more dangerous then someone who murders for sport.]
Well...just kidding. Making accusations like that isn't very nice of me.
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Date: 2021-09-09 04:02 pm (UTC)( it's as simple as that, because he loves it, he shows his love by helping hope, but if their hope is so inconsequential that they don't see the third path they can take — komaeda can't hold them by the hand. they have to figure this out, and he hates having to give all the answers. )
Despite simple, they're straight to the point.
( he tilts his head, looking up at sara as he mulls over her question. ah, this is a pretty good set up, and he claps his hands together to praise it right after. )
Who are you, Chidouin-san?
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Date: 2021-09-10 05:44 am (UTC)[She leans back a little, clearly uncomfortable with his grinning praise. Who is she, huh? Why does everyone keep asking that. Her own answer can't change. No matter how everyone acts, she remains herself. Just someone attending school who had something bad happen. That's not even special.
...Despite the mounting evidence otherwise. Her own father, her name scattered everywhere... Maybe she doesn't really know who Sara Chidouin is supposed to be. Having a killing game built around her doesn't change who she is, right? She lived a normal life, so she can still lay claim to that. She doesn't feel very interesting...Komeada could probably go find a second year girl just like her only a floor above. ]
And who are you, Komeada-san?
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Date: 2021-09-11 07:45 am (UTC)( asking her a question like that would bring sara to voice her own name, but he did it on purpose, forcing her into a position that isn't of those who characters that were made up. there's no need to pick either of them for himself either, because at the end of the day, he's the same as he's always been. the trash that nobody wants, the person that he's sure everyone would be happier if he died, and he smiles with that thought in mind. )
I'm someone who wants to help hope, no matter what, even scum like me knows my place.
( that place being a stepping stone, even though she's not an ultimate, he's still willing to pursue whatever that shining beacon that she calls a goal for herself is. it's here that he lifts a hand, waving his prosthetic like he wants to draw in her attention. she doesn't have to acknowledge him, but he does want her to know what's on his mind. )
Being able to decide for what we want in life is nice, isn't it?